June, 2011
Archive

  • Text Message Fighting

    Have you ever gotten into a text message fight? You furiously type into your phone, thumbs punctuating each letter as your third eye wrinkles with rage. Then you have to wait for whomever you are fighting with to reply with their text venom. You may not want to lose the momentum of your anger, but it is boring just staring at your phone. So you sigh, pick at your teeth, change your status update to “drinking tea in the afternoon,” go to the bathroom, then hear the text notification and continue your verbal attack.

    Or what about text message lying? You may have asked someone to hang out, and as you are waiting you get a text saying ‘I can’t make it… got the flu.’ It is not like you can see them, or hear if they sound unwell, but you KNOW they are lying. If they were really sick they would have called to prove their sickness with their strained sick sounding voice. The broken… “he (cough cough) ll (wheeze wheeze) o” like a decent person. So you either ignore the text, or text lie back that you hope they feel better even though you don’t.

    And what about the ignore text? Sometimes someone texts you, you read it, but don’t respond. You just let it simmer. Or not respond at all. People will do that to you too and you will think to yourself “I know they read my text. Everyone gets their texts… this is so annoying.” But you still do it to other people. Why do we do that? Are we playing a power game? Are we subconsciously telling that person “yeah I could tell you ‘what’s up’ or I could continue watching YouTube videos while you think I am super busy.”

    Then there are the text conversations. You go back and forth with someone for maybe 20-30 texts, but don’t call. It is not that you are multi-tasking, or in front of other people. You just don’t feel like talking, even if you do feel like communicating.

    It makes me think of the energy behind out actions and how viscerally they can be experienced even without direct person to person communication. There is the lying energy, the passive aggressive energy, ummmmm… the aggressive aggressive energy. There is something behind emotions that is so intangible, that it circumvents technology and we can feel it through our phones. So even though text messaging has changed the format of how we connect, it hasn’t changed our ability to affect one another on an emotional level. Just think of all the sexting!

    June 30, 2011 • 9-12 months, Musings • Views: 71

  • Role Models

    I used to think the expectation for public figures to be role models was absurd. Why would we depend on politicians, athletes, actors, or rock stars to influence our children’s understanding of how to behave in the world? Isn’t it wasted energy to focus on how many times some mayor snorted blow off of some hooker’s tits? If someone is doing their job why do we care if they are perverts from 5-9? It is the parent’s responsibility to direct the moral compass of their offspring. Yeah… so now that I have a baby and all that pressure is on me, I find myself wondering where all the role models are?

    Any self-reflective person has probably committed some time thinking about how their parents damaged them in one way or another. Sometimes you have the compulsion to tell your mom or dad everything they did wrong, which believe you me, really goes over well. People love to be criticized, analyzed, and picked apart. I suggest doing it during a high stress situation, like a large family gathering, after half a bottle of wine and watching Steel Magnolias. That will get you in just the right mood.

    The reason why we hold our parents accountable for so much is because as children, we really do look up to them. Both figuratively and literally, because babies are super short. Remember how when you were young and your mom or dad influenced your consciousness to almost mythic proportions. But as you aged, and could identify their faults and weakness and no longer saw them as the great titans they once were. Suddenly they were just flawed humans trying to get through life like you are.

    I can see already how much my energy affects The Munch and it scares me to think how all my crapyness will one day impact her. If I am in a bad mood, or anxious it is so clear to me how that infects her spirit. And just think… this is all still a really subtle energetic exchange. What am I going to do when she actually understands what I say? Or when she is a teenager and wants to know what I was like when I was her age. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

    No seriously AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

    So that is where the idea of role models is important to a young person’s psyche. If you can spread your inspiration amongst a few adults, then when one of them takes a picture of his wenis, or you find out if your Mom did acid at an Allman Brother’s concert then drove to an ecstasy fueled rave without a license in her friends’ mother’s stolen car, it isn’t such a big deal because there are other’s to respect.

    (Doesn’t The Munch have my same stressed out face?”)

    (Don’t we both have the same happy face now?)

    June 29, 2011 • 9-12 months, Musings, Parenting • Views: 52

  • Can You Ever Really Know Another Person?

    Have you ever tried to look at someone in both of their eyes? You can’t. You can look at one eye ball, and then the other, but never both at the same time. So if the eyes are the window of the soul, then what does that mean? How can you know someone fully if you can’t look through their window totally and completely? Try looking in the mirror right now. You can’t look into both of your eyes at the same time either! So can you ever really know yourself?

    And the more you know someone, do you like them more?

    There is a song I like that goes “no one really knows the ones they love. If you knew everything they thought, I bet you’d wish that they’d just shut up.”

    Hmmmmmm

    I want to know people, and understand what they think. But only if they are thinking nice things about me. Otherwise, I would prefer they said all that critical stuff behind my back. And what about this baby I have staring at me. One could assume from her grunts and persistent slamming and grabbing of the keyboard that she wants me to get off the computer. Or does she? I have to intuit all her needs, wants and desires. Part of me feels like I know what she is trying to communicate. But maybe I have no idea. Maybe she is just pissed because of the last episode of Lost?

    And what about my needs and wants and desires? Do I even know what those are? Sure I have a connection to my immediate demands. I need this rash to go away. I want an organic vegan doughnut. I desire a skateboard hover-board that floats two feet off the ground and flies me through the air. But do I have an actual connection to the deeper questions inside me? What is my purpose on the planet? Who do I want to be? How do I understand love? What do I want out of life?

    And how can I answer any of these questions when The Munch is banging her face against my boobs and then pointing at her mouth. What could she possibly want? I guess some things I will never know.

    How can I know you when I can’t even find you?

    June 28, 2011 • 9-12 months, Musings • Views: 136

  • I Am So Much More Spiritual Than You

    This past weekend, The Munch and I went to a yoga festival called Wanderlust. I have conflicting feelings about events like this. In theory, it is magical that all these people come together to celebrate the common interest of yoga. But in practice, when I am surrounded by all these hippies I kind of want to slather them in meat sauce and preach the value of Reaganomics while drinking a Coke and wearing a fur coat made of Wooly Mammoth. I don’t know why. Maybe it is all the flowing clothes, spiritually driven tattoos, and sincere looks. What is that you say? What am I wearing? Just these billowing pants and shirt… why? Oh… this here tattoo… it is a tree of life that I drew. or do you mean the lotus flowers at my heart? What is that you say? Oh this is just the look I give everyone when I am staring into their third eye. Why? What are you getting at?

    I guess my over arching issue is the feeling I get that people think they are above it all. But are they? Okay fine, you may be more conscious about what you buy, but you are still a consumer even if you are buying Kambucha, feathered earrings, and beads for your dreads. Yes, there is the energetic claim that everyone is accepting and open hearted, but people are still clicky, judgmental, self-conscious, lusty, slutty, womanizers, ego-driven, dark, rude, angry and full of rage. Try and cut someone in line getting a coconut water and organic raw ball of cacao with sunflower seeds and you will see how one with the universe someone really is.

    Why am I so cynical? It is not like I don’t appreciate the intention behind it all. The love, peace, and happiness for all beings. But something about being in a circle with a bunch of people thrusting their pelvis to the sound of the Djembe drum makes me excuse myself to the bathroom and pray it will all be over soon so I can downward dog in peace.

    Despite my effort to keep an open mind, I couldn’t brush away the taste of over analyzing and feeling better than everyone who felt better than everyone else. I then went to a class where the teacher talked about the Devil inside us. She went on to say that everything that truly annoys us about someone else is actually our shadow selves. Essentially we hate what we are. Now tell me that is not the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard. That is so obviously not the case with me. Excuse me… I have to go now and chant to Krishna Das and make fun of people for dancing with their eyes closed while feeling like I know more than everyone around me.
    Om Shanti

    June 27, 2011 • 9-12 months, Adventures, Musings • Views: 64

  • I Need More Arms!

    I don’t believe in evolution. If evolution was true, and species survive because of their capacity to adapt to the changing world around them, then I would have four arms. But I am not going to become a religious fanatic either because what kind of God would only give me two arms? Is there anything worth believing in anymore?

    Lets say I am trying to change The Munch’s diaper. This would be fine if she just lay there and let this happen… but she doesn’t. She rolls around and tries to get up and gets shit all over my hands, and if I am lucky, the rug too. The only way to hold her down is with my feet, and then she tries to bite my toes.

    Or I want to make myself something to eat. Selfish I know. And The Munch is crying because she wants me to hold her. Do I let her cry? Pick her up? Eat her? If I had an extra set of arms, I could cook and comfort her. Problem solved.

    Sometimes playing with her is boring. Sorry… but it can be. I already know my ABC’s and that the circle piece goes into the circle shaped hole. But if I had some more arms, I could play with her and text message at the same time!

    If I had an extra set of arms I could be the best mom ever and still do things that I want to do. Why should parenting be about sacrifice and devotion when with some genetic modification it can be about multi-tasking and divided attention?

    June 24, 2011 • 9-12 months, Mommy Mind, Parenting • Views: 72

  • Crawling… Movement Without Reason

    You know how they say that what one of the main distinguishers of man is the fact that we are bipedal? Somehow, walking on two feet makes us superior to our fellow four legged animal friends. Why is that? Perhaps this is because when on all fours the head and ass are on the same level, rather then while walking upright, the head is above the ass area. Maybe being on all fours means that your head is getting the same blood flow as your ass, meaning that you are about as smart as your butt. That is what I think about my baby right now.

    Crawling is stupid. In fact, it is the stupidest thing in the world.

    The Munch can move around where ever she wants, but what she wants is so stupid that her head must be up her ass. “I want to pull this computer thingie off the table, I want to crawl behind the toilette and get stuck and then cry about it, I want to pull everything out of this cabinet then close my finger in the door and freak out about that, I want to crawl over to where you are and pinch you even though you keep moving every time I get to you. If you are trying to hint at something, I am not getting it. Where are you going? Well here I come!”

    Maybe if there were some logic or reason to her movement it would tolerable. But there isn’t. She is about as reasonable as a drunk fundamentalist at an Atheist abortion clinic. What kind of cruel world would allow this? Why don’t humans learn to crawl when they have some actual brain capacity to reason? Like when they are 20… after those silly teenage years. My friend Grace told me it only gets worse when they start walking because they have a greater reach. Dare I say that I am starting to understand the thinking behind Chinese foot binding?

    June 23, 2011 • 9-12 months, Adventures, Baby Body, Baby Brain, Parenting • Views: 226

  • Google Must Seem Like a God To Kids

    You want to think of something crazy? My grandmother used to travel around in a horse and buggy when she was a kid. What?? Can you even fathom how much life has changed in the last century? We have become so accustomed to instantaneous communication and exchange of information that to wait 1 minute for a video to buffer is grounds to sue your internet provider. What? I can’t watch this circle go round for a full 60 seconds… that is preposterous.

    The funny thing about my generation, the generation to grow up in the 80’s, is that we really experienced the end of an era in terms of technology. No cell phones, no internet, no Facebook… in fact we still had rotary phones, were limited to 2 dimensional computer games, and cartoons were only on Saturday mornings. I mean… I am talking an archaic deprived existence here. When I had to research a paper for school, I HAD TO GO TO THE LIBRARY! Can you imagine? (I still don’t get how the library works. What is the Dewey decimal system? Was that Linear B? I couldn’t find a book in the library if your life depended on it. I wouldn’t risk my life for such a stupid hypothetical situation. Btw… I will have you know that I was that person who went straight to the reference desk. Thank you library lady, wherever you are, now that you are jobless).

    But think about how nuts it must be to grow up in this current technological paradigm. Everything you ever wanted to know about life, Google knows the answer to.

    “Mom… why is the sky blue?”

    No more cryptic answers… No more pontificating, guessing, or stalling until your kid just forgets what you are talking about. Just hop on you iphone and Google it and the answer is yours. You hardly even have to go to the doctor anymore. Have a random rash? Check it out on Google, find some holistic remedies and put some comfrey leaf on it and quit complaining.

    Imagine how many times a kid will hear a question, and the answer will be “I don’t know… Google it.” Google has become like an all-knowing omnipotent God. Except Google won’t create a flood to punish us humans for being wicked… because then all the computers would get wet.

    June 22, 2011 • 9-12 months, Musings, Political Banter • Views: 99

  • Babies Have A Death Wish

    I used to think it was super annoying how parents would follow their kids around micromanaging their every action. “Stop putting broken glass in your mouth, get off that ledge, don’t play with fire.” Lighten up already. Your baby wants to live! Just let them explore the world. Ummmm… nope wrong. Babies have a serious death wish, and I am spending my life just keeping The Munch alive.

    Example 1: Stairs. She doesn’t know how to go up stairs let alone down them… but if she sees a set of them she heads towards them like a hipster after cocaine.

    Example 2: Choking. If it is a choking hazard, The Munch is going to put it in her mouth. Dimes, rocks, screws, paint chips… The greater the potential to get lodged in her throat, the deeper the desire to test it out.

    Example 3: Electronics. Not only does she love to chew on wires, she also likes to put the metal power part in her mouth. This is especially exciting when the other end is also plugged into the wall. Computer cords, cell phone chargers…. As long as it is has an electrical charge, she wants to get it wet with her tongue with no regard for wearing rubber boots in the process.

    Example 4: Drowing/Bath Time of Doom. So she used to sit peacefully in the bath. The most exciting thing that ever happened was her splashing, or peeing/pooing in the water. But now that she is standing, she wants to stand the entire time despite the fact that the bath is a slippery place to be. So not only does she often loose her footing and go under, she also is always in danger of smacking her head, mouth, teeth on the hard porcelain. It is by far the most stressful part of my day just making sure she doesn’t decapitate herself.

    So why is this? Are babies reckless because they know we are looking out for them? Danger is meaningless because they intuit that they are protected? Does this create a feeling of safety where they have no fear of life, therefore have no fear of death? Or is she just screwing with me and laughing with you guys behind my back?

    June 21, 2011 • 9-12 months, Baby Brain • Views: 72

  • My Baby Haunts Me

    I find cliché’s to be annoying. I try to avoid them like the plague, but I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water even if it would be as easy as pie. Especially not if that baby is as happy as a clam, or a friend of yours. Because any friend of yours is a friend of mine… unless they are all talk and no action. But, maybe if I didn’t see them for a while absence would make the heart grow fonder? After all, all is fair in love and war. Have I gone too far? I swear I am not trying to beat a dead horse?

    But there is one cliché I heard recently that I have to admit hit home

    “There are no days off from being a parent?”

    Sometimes I wake up and I look at my beautiful baby and think to myself “you again?”

    Of course you love them and all that jazz… (couldn’t resist) but sometimes the eternal nature of it all can be a bit daunting. Especially when their idea of spending time with you consists of them trying to rip your tongue out of your mouth.

    But lets say you were to take a break from your baby. Have someone else watch them for a bit. For the first 20 minutes or so, you feel as free as a bird (had to), but after some time apart you start to think about them. You miss them even though you couldn’t wait get away from them. The Munch is always on my mind whether she is in front of my face or haunting me in my dreams. I guess she really is the apple of my eye.

    June 20, 2011 • 9-12 months, Mommy Mind, Musings, Parenting • Views: 96