December, 2010
Archive

  • Parenting 101

    In order to be good at anything in life, you need at least 1 of two things; experience or education. Sure, innate talent factors into the intensity of potential excellence, but I am talking about even being decent at something.

    Think about it… would you see a dentist who just woke up one day and said “Hey I am a dentist now. Open up and lemme see those teeth of yours.” Hell no you wouldn’t! You would want that guy to have gone to dentist school, and to have dentist-ed on a bunch of other motherfuckers before they are even think of drilling into your mouth.

    Or a cab driver? Would you just get into the back of the car with someone who has never driven before? They were just like “Hey, I am a new driver…. First time behind the wheel. But I figure I will just do the best I can.”

    Would you even let someone cut your hair that has never cut hair before? Probably not… and your hair grows back!

    I got thinking about this last night, because it suddenly felt so crazy that you could be a parent without any experience or any education… and you are raising a human being!!! It is probably the most profound thing you could ever do… with so many potential ways to fuck up, and there is no certificate you need to earn to do it. This person’s life is totally in your hands, and there is absolutely no prerequisite besides knowing how to fuck.

    Even if you were to adopt a child… it took Sandra Bullock 4 years to adopt her son and she is a gagillionaire! And she seems wicked nice! There is way more scrutiny for a person that wants to help an already living being than for those who intentionally, or haphazardly create one.

    I am not saying I have a solution for this. It is not like you could or should require people to have at least 2,000 hours in the field, plus a Masters, in order to procreate. But I will say, for those that are lucky enough to have had a baby, it is your responsibility to do the best you can to educate yourself while you can the experience.

    Sure we all have our instincts and intuition, and those should be paid attention to and honored… I am a huge fan of intuition. I totally believe in it, and feel it all the time! I am like an intuition-phile. I loves it so and will probably write about how relevant it is too. I am in no way am advocating that everything you need to know about parenting can be learnt in book, or taught in a class, but I still think there is a lot of information and help out there to guide us through the process.

    December 19, 2010 • 1st Month, Books, Parenting • Views: 29

  • Thinking Too Much About You, Will Make You Miserable

    Thinking about yourself is the root of all misery. I know this from personal experience. I have spent a lot of time thinking about myself. I would in fact, spend most every moment, of every day, thinking about me. Even if I was thinking about someone else, I was thinking about how they were affecting… me. Me. Me. Me.

    Take a second to think about what you think about. Really try and recall what that voice in your head is actually saying to you. Chances are that it is not that positive… not that productive… and not serving you. I feel like our inner monologues are the cause of much internal suffering with the blah blah blahing that clouds our thoughts. “Am I too fat? Am I good enough? Does he like me? Why doesn’t he like me? What should I wear? Will I look hot in that? Does my boss hate me? I wish I hadn’t eaten that. I like her boots. I would like lame in boots like that. I should work harder. I work too much. Will I ever succeed?” It’s exhausting how our minds torture us.

    In so many ways, I feel like so much of what we do is an attempt to distract ourselves from ourselves. To not be haunted by the you inside of you. Work, exorcize, sex, tv, reading, drinking, drugs… is all an attempt to escape.

    Maybe that is why falling in love can be so intoxicating. For a short period of time, you think about something other than yourself. The thought of that person totally consumes you and it is as if you can’t think of anything other than them. In a way, the impulse to find love, is the same that inspires us to get puppies. Yes… I do believe that is true. Falling in love with a man is totally like getting a puppy. But hopefully, a man won’t shit on your living room rug. At least more than once.

    When we get a puppy (or any animal), we bring home a being that is totally dependent, totally adorable, and utterly loveable. The responsibility of having a pet creates a dynamic that enables you to care for another being other than yourself. It takes you out of the mundane misery of thinking about you all day. You now can think of your sweet little creature and have peace in those moments.

    So in a way, having a baby is like bringing home a puppy and falling in love at the same time! I have been so zenned out since having her because I have had zero time to think about me and all my dumb problems and insecurities! I am fully aware that I if I come to use her as too much of a distraction that will totally backfire in my face… but I am definitely enjoying the beauty of thinking about her all day.

    December 18, 2010 • 1st Month, Mommy Mind, Musings • Views: 126

  • The Secret to Baby’s Happiness

    This baby is almost permanently attached to my boob. I never knew that my nipple could make someone so happy. It is like my boobs have magic heroin in them and they are the solution to all her problems.

    If she is hungry, the nip satisfies that… if she is tired, the nip knocks her out like a shot of whisky… if she is emotionally distressed, the nip calms her like valium. So far, if there is any problem in her life, my nip seems to be the answer. If only the rest of her life could be this simple.

    Come to think of it, if only the rest of life could be that simple. Why do we ever stray from these basic comforts? I could see it now… my baby as president, at a world leader conference, solving all global problems. “World hunger?” She would say with a pen in her mouth and distinguished glasses, “Ahhh, well my mom’s nip is the answer to that! War you say?? Yes, yes, my mom’s nip will calm that chaos down. Really puts people at ease you know?”

    Why do we make life so complicated as adults? With all our excessive needs and wants we forget that it is the simple things in life that make us happy. I know that sounds like a total cliché, but take a minute to see how miserable people are because they don’t have what they think they want. The more complex the desires, the less gratifying the result. We live in a culture that is impossible to satiate, because there is always something in the horizon to market, promote, and buy.

    I know you all have had one of those moments when you look at a baby and think “Gosh, if only I could be that happy.” Kind of like the same envy that can be felt for a dog. Their simplistic joy is intoxicating. I guess my point is sure, material luxuries can bring temporary contentment, but I don’t think that a Ferrari has ever made anyone as happy as my boob does to my baby.

    December 9, 2010 • 1st Month, Breast Feeding • Views: 36

  • Where Do Babies Come From??

    Technically, I know where babies come from. Sort of. I mean, I have a vague idea of what happens from 8th grade science class, and diagrams on the internet of a tadpole like creatures turning into a baby. You know… if you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint (assuming you believe in that sort of thing) the human gestation period mimics the evolution of life on the planet. A primitive single cell organism (sperm) that develops into an amphibian with a tail, and then eventually a mammal. Crazy town!

    So yes, there is a rational, scientific explanation of where babies come from… but that does not satisfy my genuine intrigue of how this all happens. There is such magic and mystery to how one day you are suddenly hosting a life… a life that develops completely without any conscious effort. It is not like you sit around being like “okay body, now its time to create the ears.” All this happens without any deliberate effort on your part. You just have to do is ride the wave of the experience.

    Having a baby connects you to questioning the impetus of life, period. Life as meta concept. How was life created? How do you get from life not existing, to suddenly just being? Is life eternal? Has it always existed? If so, has the baby always existed? If yes, then where? Another dimension? What is that spark? The initiation that creates life? I feel now more than ever the vast unanswerable wonderment of it all.

    I was once watching the discovery channel, and it was talking about how all the building blocks of life, the hard elements that comprise every living being on the planet, are the same as the insides of stars. So the theory was that the implosion of stars, and the stardust falling to the earth, was what ignited life to be possible. Isn’t that the most breathtaking thing you have ever heard? That we are children from the stars!

    When I look at this newborn baby, I think I can totally see that, because she does kinda look like an alien ;o)

    December 3, 2010 • 1st Month, Musings • Views: 39

  • What Do Babies Dream About?

    Newborn babies sleep a shit ton. This baby of mine, I swear on everything holy, sleeps about 20-22 hours a day. The rare moments that she has her eyes open, all I want to do is stare into them and interact with her, because that time with her being awake is so rare and precious. Not that I am complaining. It is nice to hold a sleeping content baby all day. It is like the ultimate cuddle session.

    I get that during these endless days of sleep her brain is developing, and her body is growing at astronomical speeds… but I cannot help from wondering… what is she dreaming about all that time??

    I have two theories on this. Either, she is dreaming about past lives, and is working out the karmic debt of all that. Like she is going over all her triumphs and mistakes of being a Native American princess, or Cleopatra, or Ronald Reagan, or something along those lines. Or, she is dreaming of the material that is given to her in her own life experience. Maybe that is why they sleep so peacefully in the beginning? Because the majority of their life was spent sloshing around in the womb? Maybe each day that they live, they are given new visual stimulus to dream about? Maybe that is why sleep becomes more of a challenge, as they grow older? Because there is so much to process with all that they are exposed to?

    If I think that I am providing her with the vocabulary to narrate her dreams, that is not only a whole lot of responsibility, but also a serious honor! It inspires me to imagine brining her to the most beautiful places so her eyes can feast on the buffet that will entertain her while she is off in never never land.

    December 3, 2010 • 1st Month, Baby Brain, Musings • Views: 35